It’s the end of a long day. You’re tired and overwhelmed, so you instinctively reach for your phone and open Instagram. Immediately, you’re flooded with thousands of notifications. You swipe through them, double tapping to “heart” certain ones here and there until they’re all cleared. A split second passes. Your thumb hovers over the Reels tab, and suddenly, you find yourself watching an influencer walk you through her ten step morning routine. Almost an hour later, you finally look up, bleary eyed and drained. For many of us, this is a familiar cycle. Checking social media can start with good intentions—the desire for social connection with others—but more often than not, it leaves us feeling dissatisfied and even lonely.
Nowadays social media serves various purposes, from learning new skills to building a personal brand, but most of us still use it for its social aspect. It’s human nature to want to know what’s going on with our friends, and what better way to do that than seeing glimpses of their lives unfold through social media? But even with so many ways to connect, many of us feel more isolated than ever. This disconnect largely comes from the abundance of superficial interaction rather than real engagement. Most of the time, we barely register the post, either continuing to scroll or instinctively tapping the heart button. While we might scroll through hundreds of posts or stories every time we open a social media app, this kind of surface-level interaction often means we’re merely checking in, not making real connections.After all, the content we consume is only a small window into a person’s life, often chosen to highlight their best moments. This, in particular, can add to that feeling of isolation, making it easy to draw unhealthy comparisons between your everyday life and what appears to be someone else’s glamorous life. Even worse, beyond affecting how we see ourselves, social media can interfere with the time we spend with others offline. Despite being together in person, we may still default to checking social media and laughing at reels instead of fully engaging with the people sitting beside us .
Social media can help us stay connected with friends—especially those we don’t see often—and build new relationships. But how? The key to making social media truly social is a shift in perspective. We should start treating it more like an open space for conversation rather than a content feed, perfectly curated by ingenious algorithms to trap us in.
In terms of posts and stories, we can view social media as the starting point for connection, rather than an all-encompassing solution. We can use these windows into other people’s lives to learn about them beyond just the superficial image, by interacting with their posts. This could mean leaving a meaningful comment, or better yet, using the post as a spark for further conversation by directly messaging the person about it. Not only does this make the interaction more intentional and two-sided, but it also slows us down, allowing us pause, think, and reflect, rather than quickly moving on and forgetting what we just saw.
Short-form content is trickier since it’s designed to be passive and mindless. But just like a movie can lead to thoughtful discussions, so can any form of content—if we choose to be intentional while consuming it. It’s common to send reels to friends, but take it one step further and try sending an additional message regarding the content of the reel. Maybe it reminded you of an experience you had with a particular friend, made you think, or made you laugh; regardless, sending a short message along with the reel may also prompt your friend to reply with more than just an emoji, starting a longer conversation.
Finally, when possible, the best way to feel more connected is to step away from social media altogether. This doesn’t have to mean completely quitting social media, but at the end of a long day, what you really need may be a phone call with one of your friends instead of a collection of someone’s beach day photos on Instagram. And when you’re together in person, challenge each other to stay off social media at least while in each other’s presence. Try going for a stroll and talking about whatever you want, or do some other enjoyable activity like baking or playing a sport. Whatever it is, savor the time you have together, because while social media can be great for starting conversation, nothing quite comes close to the connections we make face-to-face.
