Halfway through the school year, deadlines pile up, motivation wanes, and the pressure to finish stronger in the second half intensifies. Not to mention, South High’s competitive culture normalizes the strain of a “no pain, no gain” mindset. However steadfast we try to be, heightened stress tends to undermine students’ self-confidence. We often respond by speaking harshly to ourselves, thinking that demanding more will push us to do better. While we frequently turn to self-criticism as a source of motivation, speaking to ourselves with compassion is more effective for growth.
Treating ourselves with compassion can feel challenging and awkward, yet we express genuine care for those around us. Comforting phrases like “That’s not a bad grade” or “Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time” seem to slip out effortlessly when speaking to a friend. However, offering the same level of care becomes much harder when we become the recipient. “It’s easier to view things from a more objective standpoint when showing compassion to others,” said junior Catherine Sun. “With myself, I might dismiss some of my personal struggles to justify my frustration in why I should’ve succeeded in something.” We are often kinder when speaking to others because we are emotionally detached from their experiences and recognize that we cannot fully understand their internal struggles. When evaluating our own situations, we’re aware of our weaknesses and limitations while also holding an idealized view of our true potential. As a result, we tend to set high standards for ourselves and resort to harsh self-criticism when we fall short of those expectations. But does being hard on ourselves actually help us make more progress?
While we may think that self-criticism fuels growth, this mindset can really do more harm than good. Each time we tell ourselves, “I’m always messing things up” or “I should have done better,” we believe that picking on our own inadequacies and shame will push us to improve. However, in a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, self-criticism is negatively correlated with goal progress due to lower autonomous motivation. Constantly speaking to ourselves negatively erodes confidence, causing us to dwell in a cycle of dissatisfaction that feels permanent.
Self-compassion, in contrast, teaches us to acknowledge that struggles are simply a part of being human. Rather than using our failures to push ourselves, practicing self-compassion allows us to view challenges as learning opportunities. “Learning to be compassionate and patient with yourself allows you to slow down and think about how to really ‘work’ with yourself,” said Sun. Growth results from being able to cope with struggles and look forward to improvement.
Shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion is no easy task, largely because we are unaware of how judgmental we can be toward ourselves. In fact, these self-judgements often surface unnoticed through the standards we apply to others. We tend to think that all our flaws hinder us from achieving an image of perfection, but in reality, perfection is unattainable. Therefore, rather than judging ourselves by who we think we should be, we need to accept our shortcomings. Adopting a non-judgmental way of speaking to ourselves can change how we interpret our experiences and respond to obstacles. Whenever I receive a grade back, I usually respond in one of two ways: judge my careless mistakes or acknowledge them and focus on doing better next time. The grade doesn’t change, but one response is discouraging while the other builds resilience and hope. When we approach mistakes with self-compassion, our genuine motivation to improve leads to higher academic achievement (Hailikari et al., 2025).
Sometimes, we think that self-compassion is synonymous with going easy on ourselves and failing to strive toward our full potential. However, reshaping how we speak to ourselves can change our view of struggle and foster growth. If we’re looking to end the second half of the school year stronger, we can start by practicing the self-compassion we owe ourselves.
